Dream Dream Dream

Percocet.  Precocious. Phantasmagorial. Palliative.
 
All of the above.  I can see how quixotic this relationship can be.  On the one hand; pain relief.  On the other; dreamscaping.  Perfect for sleep. 
 
I feel as though I’ve gone, breakneck speed, through the last week.  I hit the wall on Tuesday and refocused.  The problem with tearing three ligaments is not being able to walk without aid of a walking stick and the brilliant polymer brace.  There is also the issue being able to stand for any length of time without shooting pain up the thigh and down the shin and calf muscles. 
 
The massage guy helps.  He showed me how to realign the knee to stop the pain but assured me that I will have to continuously realign the knee because it will not stabilize in it’s current condition.
 
Looks like surgery will be the only way to relieve this problem.  Oh joy.
 
It’s been two months and not much in the way of relief.  Surgery will be a blessing.  At least I will be able to heal.  Eventually.
 
 
So, the refocusing (where was I?) is profound.  I mentioned not being able to walk.  What happens to your body when you can’t move?   Guess.  *snort*
You get, shall I say, podgy.  I hit the wall Tuesday (…am I repeating myself…?) and subscribed to an online Atkins protocol and ordered all the attendant food for the week.  SuperNurse has decided to support this little venture and will follow the diet, too.  Thank goodness.  I spend so much time with SuperNurse, what with doctor and massage and physio appointments, we are constantly flying by the seat of our pants with regard to "…What are we going to do about dinner/lunch/breakfast…"  that without her cooperation it would likely be difficult to make a go of it.
 
It’s been good.  I’ve lost five pounds in five days.  I can feel the difference in my state of mind. 
 
I may not be able to move but I can ensure I don’t become an inert blobicle.  I’ll be svelte instead.  Not a racy kinda svelte.  Can’t move much.  More like stylin’ in my polymer accoutrement.
 
 
Book club tonight.  Beauty was there.  It’s ridiculous how much I love and miss my oldest and most cherished friend.  How I long for our old connection.  I wasn’t expecting her to be there and so, needless to say, it was a bit of a surprise.  My grief.  It’s like a hole in my heart that I can’t help continuously probing, "If only I was more [insert attribute here] then our friendship would not have come to this awful place."  I wish I knew what to do.  But I’m stupid.  Clearly.
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2 Responses to Dream Dream Dream

  1. Lucie says:

    Arghh!!! Would you mind just hitting yourself in the head with a brick a few times!! You are an awesome and amazing friend and if said Beauty can\’t see that, then she needs a brain scan. You did all you could to keep that relationship afloat but people change. Look at how things went for me and God woman today. I loved her as best i could and she chose to throw it away because i didn\’t want to go to the same church as her! Friendships are often bizarre in their ebb and flow but to blame yourself when someone chooses another path is lunacy! She doesnt deserve you, Astro Queen. You be who you were meant to be and know that you are loved exactly the way you are. Sheesh! I\’m sorry that she continues to cause your heart to bleed a little. I know what that feels like but I, too, had to just let it go and know that the love of a true friend is like a balm to the soul. You are that to me and all others pale in comparison. The bar has now been raised. I doubt that anyone could fill your shoes (and they are fetching, I must say)!

  2. Jenn says:

    I too am sorry that your so-called friend of the past continues to hurt you but agree whole-heartedly with undilutedlucie that you are awesome and amazing and at no way responsible for her change. In addition……..well actually more like subtraction, I would like to say "You go girl" with the whole Aitkins business. Wishing you continued success with the endeavor soon to be svelte Astro Queen.

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